Brother

I remember when my adopted brother came home from the service. I was so excited! Even though he was 11 years older (21) and I was only 10 ...I just knew he was going to be wonderful. Indeed he was so handsome coming home in his uniform. He would take me around with him visiting his buddies...I'll never forget the feeling of riding beside MY BROTHER in has fancy convertible..flying down the highway. He treated me so nice and smiled so kindly......except that he drank.

when he drank he would come to my room and lie down quietly beside me....sooooo quietly.

I remember the first time.....I didn't understand why he was there...I remember him telling me to just be quiet because Daddy would get mad if I woke him.....I remember thinking that I didn't like how he smelled, something wasn't right and I just wanted him to go away.......But he didn't......

and he didn't .....

and he didn't.

all summer.......

I couldn't tell Daddy because I just knew he wouldn't love me anymore...and Daddy loving me was my everything.

so life goes on.

The Summer of Europe

I was ten the spring/summer that 'Mother' and my sister went to Europe for six weeks. Six glorious weeks!! No trip to Florida that year! The housekeeper was to watch over me during the day and my older brother, who was home from the service, was to watch me in the evenings until Daddy came home from work.

My brother, whom I had just met, was my hero!! Oh so handsome and fun. He took me everywhere with him and when Daddy could, he'd come home and take me out to dinner to his favorite places.....I felt so special when we'd go out to eat...I was his favorite princess!! Daddy was so proud of me!

...but he didn't know....

my hero was molesting me.

Damn....why is this so hard? I cry as I write..... and I don't know why.
.......perhaps , I'm healing.

Life With 'Mother'

'Mother' and Daddy had a strange relationship, which I still don't understand,but other than it needed to be stated~~ it's none of my business....'Mother' had health problems so each spring until late fall we would go to the Florida house....Daddy was a very successful business man, so he never went with us. Oh , how I dreaded those months! It was always just my sister, me and 'Mother'. I haven't mentioned my sister much, only because, even in childhood, she just blended. There was never any friction between her and 'Mother'.....She learned early just to say "Yes, Mother Dear"....." Would you care for another cup of coffee, Mother Dear?" .....God how I hated her!!*...and envied her that she was so docile.

'Mother' had a boyfriend whom we called Uncle J. Another something I've never understood.....as my Daddy knew about it....So what's up with that??? Again , not my business....but it did affect me , so it was worth mentioning. He spent a lot of time at our Florida house.

Everyday that I spent in the Florida house was a misery to me. There was no Daddy around to protect me and 'Mother' made good use of the time...Don't get me wrong...there were days, when she felt motherly and life was good..... but not often. I don't know how to explain this quite...but 'Mother' was a very sexual person....I guess she was frustrated since her 'boyfriend' couldn't spend the nights with us ( however I caught them on numerous occasions out in the florida room)....anyway, each day at 2pm we were to take naps....At least once a week either my sister or myself was called into her room to 'come give her a cuddle'.

God how I hated her!!...

* sometimes I think in the long run my sister suffered more than I did...I'm sorry for every second I didn't love her