Why?

I have debated with myself all day , if I want to tell this part of the story.......... I'm so ashamed....... but I feel like I need to tell it so that whoever is reading this will understand how life can tumble out of control for a child unloved. How when a child has to run to find peace , sometimes things can go really, really wrong........sometimes ...... because they are a child........ they want to trust and hope that somewhere out there is an adult who is good.

That was my thinking when the man found me in the laundrymat. Wow, he was a grown up and was offering me food and wasn't going to turn me in to the police who would just send me back to 'Mother'.... I got in his car and he told me to lie down in the back floorboard so that the police wouldn't see me.....Another plus for my new found savior...he was wise about the police. How could I go wrong?...We drove for a very long time and it was getting dark. We pulled up into the parking lot of a really dingy looking hamburger beer/joint and went in....The place was full of motorcycle gang members who all seemed to know him......I was twelve, but smart enough to start getting nervous.....He saw my fear so ordered a hamburger for me and said we'd eat outside in the car. While we were sitting there he started bragging about being a member of the motorcycle club and showed me a bush where they had supposedly 'shivved' a guy. Shivved??? I asked???...... and then wished I hadn't.

I was so afraid.

He went back inside for a few minutes ( this place was way out in the middle of nowhere and I couldn't decide whether to take off or not).....He came back and said it's ok....I'll take you somewhere safe now.

Whew good..... I was so afraid....

We drove down the road about a mile....then pulled over into the woods...with him saying he had to use the bathroom.

then the motorcycles came........

I remember being on the hood of the car with one after another raping me...then because I fought like a tiger....one carved BITCH in my stomach......

God how I hated them.