Just Feet

When I try to recover some of my first memories, I find it odd that all I can remember of the people at the orphanage is feet..... I remember always looking down. Odd?....Perhaps not, but I lived there from the age of two and a half to age seven, and cannot recall anyone's face. I do remember, always feeling alone... that something was missing.......I do remember.......... never knowing the comfort of a hug.
I lived here with my brother, who was a year older than myself. I won't mention him very often as who he became is his story ........ if he wishes someday to tell it.
I guess I need to tell how I came to be where I was. I've gathered some information as an adult about my beginnings and as far as I know they are pretty accurate, since they have been confirmed through extensive research of records........ The telling will be a little muddled, but more or less accurate.
I came in existance because of 2 very young people. My birth mother was 14 at my birth and my father was 16. I'm not sure to this day what part of my newborn and toddler life my father played....... but I know that who I am today is because of choices my birth mother made. My father, overwhelmed I'm sure, left soon after my birth and joined the service, from what I understand. He left behind a 14 year old girl with no family and no skills of how to cope let alone support 2 young babies. Am I making excuses for my birth mother for what happened?>>>>NO. Only stating facts. She was a heavy drinker, and drug user, with 2 children in the way.......until......somewhere in her drug induced mind she realized that money could be made. That yes, even back in the 50's there were perverts who would pay to come ' play ' with the little ones....... Am I angry,disgusted,sick to my stomach, violated,unbelieving?~~~~ I don't know..... there are no memories.....only records. There are years ahead in this young toddlers* life full of memories that the records don't have to point out to her......... this is just the beginning.

*note
At some points I realize that I tell this in the 'third party' sense.....I can only suggest that this is a defense mechanism.